How to be a winner at the first date (Podcast & vidéo)


To listen to the podcast click here :



Umbert’s friend Alexandre looks for a fiancée and asks for advices on How to be a winner at the first date if he meets a pretty girl, and asks her for a date. 

Umbert is a man to whom his friends like to confess. Politeness and friendship have a rule : never tell another person the confidences made by a friend.

Today he meets Alexandre at the Café de Flore in Paris.

Umbert explains that pretty girls are difficult to seduce, and they pay attention to the etiquette and good manners, so it is important to follow his advices.

After meeting the “right person”, here is the second crucial moment : the date.

It is also the second difficult part, because everything will have to be in fineness and elegance.


“You’ll never have a second chance to make a good impression,” David Swanson

« Vous n’aurez jamais une seconde chance de faire une bonne impression », David Swanson


In this article :

1) General rules for a date

2) The date at the restaurant 

3) The conversation during the date


1) General rules for a date

Simplicity is key. Be yourself, lying is a waste of time, she will discover who you really are anyway.

The smile is the number one asset of seduction. Be friendly and charming.

The one who makes a woman laugh will be ahead of the one who floods her with to many compliments.

Have physical, moral and intellectual elegance.

Highlight your qualities. For example, your success in an industry or a sport. There may be other contenders, so put all the chances on your side. Whether you are beautiful, intelligent, rich or the opposite, girls like success. Do not show off with your money, car or house. Make yourself appreciate for yourself, it’s important for the future.

Before the appointment, you can think of a few topics. A man who does not know what to say will have no chance to please.

Avoid at all costs the vulgarity, the “heaviness” in the behavior, and don’t do too much, or say too much.

In all cases avoid personal problems, excessive development, and focus on the interest of the other.

I you are open, balanced, attentive, confident, cheerful …. !! Then everything will be fine.

2) The date at the restaurant

  1. Arrive in advance . Never be late to the first appointment, it would be a huge and gross mistake. If it happens contact her as soon as possible to let her know, she will really appreciate. And don’t try the « sorry I’m so busy … », she wants you to be busy by her !  
  2. Personal items shouldn’t be on the table (sunglasses, phone, keys etc …). This is a table for you and her, not yours.
  3. Turn off your phone !
  4. Get up when the woman arrives to greet her.
  5. If you’ve never met and are disappointed : do not show it, you will not see again.
  6. Find a sentence to welcome her, delicate, kind without doing too much. A compliment on her outfit and elegance will always be appreciated. A little shyness does not hurt or at least a little reserve.
  7. Never sit down first. The bench is always reserved for ladies. If there are only chairs, think of pulling the woman’s chair, unless the butler does it.
  8. When you sit down to table, immediately put your towel on your legs, without waiting for the dish.
  9. Start the conversation and look her eyes to talk.
  10. It is the man who places the order at the Maître d’Hotel and chooses the wines, after having asked the woman if his choice suits her. Do not look at the neighbors’ plate at another table to make your choice.
  11. The man serves the drink to the woman who accompanies him, unless the butler does it.
  12. Before starting to taste the dishes, wait until she is served.
  13. If you have to leave the table for a few minutes, excuse yourself, you don’t have to say why. Place the napkin on your chair (USA only), or on the left side of the plate (Europe).
  14. If someone in the restaurant recognizes you and stop by for a short talk, just stand up for a few minutes.
  15. At the end, the man asks for the bill, and pay it discreetly. If there are errors, do not discuss them in front of her.
  16. On your way out thank the staff and compliment the manager. She will be sensitive to your politeness.

You can also read my article Chronology on how to behave at the restaurant like a gentleman, and respect the New Etiquette.

If all went well, ask for another date more original … You will find a good idea … !

You can take inspiration from Umbert’s monthly weekends, where you will find the latest perfect spots.

3) The conversation during the date

  • The Dos :

Ask her about her tastes, her life. (be careful, not on the intimate things).

Listen. Women love being listened to. Be attentive so she feels confident.If she speaks about her problems, listen, advise, but at least you will not have started. Give her always right … only for the first date of course !

Do not let the silence settle. It’s a disaster. Know how to re-engage the conversation with simple topics : news, travel. Be careful : no politics or religion ! No subject that make people arguing strongly.

Accept her opinions and speak calmly.

Unveil yourself, but not too much. Mysterious people always create curiosity in others, and always attract …

  • The Don’ts :

No drama, neither positive nor negative.

Do not talk about all your life, or do it briefly, without starting from childhood. Only mention happy and positive moments.

Do not flood the conversation of stories about your work, and especially with technical terms. Some funny anecdotes will be much more appreciated.

Do not show off with your culture, especially if your guest is not an intellectual.

Do not complain about everything (climate, cost of living, car breakdown, noisy neighbors, etc …).

Do not immediately talk about all the problems in your life (breaks, illness, loss of work, difficult children …). You would give a lamentable first image.


Alexander now feels reassured by Umbert’s advices on How to be a winner at the first date. They respect the New etiquette and good manners.

Umbert wishes Alexandre good luck, and offers to see him again if he needs further advices.

What should be remembered : feel confident and keep in mind that simplicity and smile are key. Never lie, she will find out.


Quiz : Register to my blog to get regular Quiz and learn more about the New Etiquette.


You can post a comment or ask Umbert about your next weekend in Paris, and new etiquette advices, in the section below.

Sign in to download the 1st chapter of New Etiquette , and get the next vidéos, podcasts and articles.

Bon voyage !

Umbert De Paris