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Why 12.5 and not 15 ?
Making friends, or acquaintances, is really going out of your confort zone.
When Umbert meets acquaintances, or new people, he knows that the warm tone of his voice is as important as his laugh and smile.
Umbert wants to share with you 15.5 Dos to make people love you.
“It’s sometimes in the eyes, in a smile, that the words we never knew how to say are hidden”, Yves Duteil, French composer
« Et c’est parfois dans un regard, dans un sourire, que sont cachés les mots qu’on n’a jamais su dire », Yves Duteil, compositeur Français
In this article :
1) Introduce your self
2) Compliment
3) Break the ice
4) Make eye contact
5) Ask questions
6) A warm tone
7) Smile
8) Laugh with them
9) Be interested
10) Don’t interrupt
11) Answer appropriately
12) Don’t do things to deliberately bring them down
13) Ask if they want to hang out
14) Let them do what they want
15) Promote them
15,5) ?
1) Introduce your self
Regarding this part, you can read my article How to introduce yourself according to the New Etiquette (Vidéo & Podcast)
2) Compliment
Immediately find something in their behavior or dress that you can emphasize on, and make a compliment.
This is not lying or being hypocrite, it is just a way to find great things about everybody.
You can even train in the street by looking at the others and find one thing nice with each person you cross.
That way you will find the world and the people much more beautiful.
3) Break the ice
Let the magic do it, don’t try to make too much internet search about the person, because the person may thing that you are playing with her by not being natural.
Try to find something you have in common, or some experiences you can share, without conflict or too much arguing.
4) Make eye contact
Eyes contact in the western world is a proof of respect, interest and trust.
Don’t be too pushy, just consider the person you are talking with.
5) Ask questions
If you ask questions, it will help you have some interest in the discussion.
It will also show that you are active in the talking and interested in the other.
6) A warm tone
The tone must neither be hysterical, nor too discreet, neither choleric, nor too moderate.
I would say be natural, and everything will be fine.
With the elderly : they are people in need of warmth and smiles. Do not be condescending or unfamiliar, but you can laugh, discuss and especially show that the age difference is not important.
With children : discuss naturally by showing that you are interested in them. Ask for their name, age, school, classmates, sports, etc …
7) Smile
Smiling is a symbol of seduction and elegance.
I know you have some problems, everybody have some, but when you meet people, try to forget them, just for that moment.
As a training, you can stand in front of a mirror, try several smiles, look at the features of your face, remember the most natural, the one that gives you the most value, and use it as often as possible.
Be carreful, a smile can be heard ! Yes, on the phone, people “hear” your smile. Before hanging on the phone, relax, smile and you will have a warm tone that will be appreciated and effective.
What does the smile mean ? Trust, affection, charm, security and it is disarming (in case of conflict with a person)
When Umbert goes to the Louvre Museum, he is always amazed by the smile of La Joconde. « How do you describe it Umbert ? Enigmatic, reassuring, tender, warm, natural, jovial, feminine …” Umbert is a fan of museums and exhibitions in Paris.
You can find his selection, every month, on this blog, in the Weekends chapter.
8) Laugh with them
If you can reach that goal, you win !
Laughing together is the best way to make friends.
Laugh is the expression of an authentic joy.
Try to laugh not too strong, not too long and not for anything (remember Don’t play !)
Umbert never laughs at the ridicule of others (stupidity, dress, attitude). It would be too easy and nasty.
On the other hand he knows how to laugh and make fun of himself.
9) Be interested
When you speak with them your entire posture and gesture should show that you are interested.
So focus on what they say and share your experiences.
10) Don’t interrupt
When you speak to them, let them finish their sentences or argumentation.
If you’ve ever encounter someone who’s always right, and always interrupt you, you know what I’m talking about.
11) Answer appropriately
It is very important to stay natural and say what you think, not what you think the other want you to think.
If you lie or play, the other will feel it, and the discussion will be flat and boring.
On the other hand, don’t argue too strongly, just answer politely.
Make the talk profitable for both of you, by sharing interesting experiences.
12) Don’t do things to deliberately bring them down
You may know some people who always try to control you by bringing you down.
They always try to find some stuff in your life, in what you like, or every where that could embarrass you.
Never do that !!!
Even if the person will have a nice attitude in front of you, just after leaving the party, she will hate you for the rest of her life.
13) Ask if they want to hang out
If you have a nice talk, ask the person if she wants to hang out sometimes.
Maybe you have a passion. In common, or something you can share.
This is, I think, the best way to make people like you.
14) Let them do what they want
A psychologist that I know always say it like this : « What do you know about their happiness ? ».
Every person is different, with a different past, different goals etc …
Sharing experiences and knowledge is very important to have a great talk, so bring something on the table.
But trying to impose your point of view or way of life must be a disaster, and it’s never appropriate.
15) Promote them
After the meeting, try to speak about them or their business.
Make positive observations about who they are or what they do.
At one point they will hear about it, and will really appreciate.
15.5) Love yourself
Being confident doesn’t mean not being humble. You can be confident and humble.
You don’t want to show off, but being confident makes you a non jealous or envious person.
The other will also feel it, and find « confortable » to be with you.
You will be a kind of hero who protects them.
15.5 Dos to make people love you, that’s a lot to do to make people love you.
Start step by step, by adding one thing after another, then you will be fine.
You may also read my other article Proper way to talk to seduce everybody (Vidéo & Podcast).
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What must be remembered : breaking the ice, empathy and real discussions are key to make real friends or acquaintances. Train by going to random events, and start to speak to some people about anything, then narrow down to what you’ve prepared before.
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Bon voyage !
Umbert De Paris